By Adaline Sosu
There is a viral trend making the rounds and it is not about a new lipstick or a dance challenge. Women are sharing side-by-side photos of themselves before, during, and after relationships, and the difference is, frankly, startling. In the “before” slide, they are radiant, full of life. In the “during” slide, dull, tired, sometimes unrecognisable. The caption? “He harvested my feminine energy.”
Now pause. Harvested what?
Welcome to the latest social media psychology theory ‘feminine energy harvesting’. The idea? A man is drawn to your softness, your warmth, your sparkle… and then, somewhere along the way, drains it. Think: emotional vampire in gym shorts. You leave the relationship wondering where your glow went, and why he seems brighter, bolder, upgraded. As if he took something from you.
But is this real? Is it just another TikTok buzzword? Or are we finally naming something that women have always known and felt but did not quite have the language for?
The Softness Men Want, But Cannot Hold
At the heart of this theory is the concept of feminine energy, which, no, is not about pink dresses and perfume. It refers to traits like empathy, sensuality, receptivity, nurture, and intuition qualities long associated with emotional labour. And guess who has been doing that labour in relationships for generations?
In heterosexual dynamics especially, many women are socialised to become therapist, mother, stylist, secretary, chef, and cheerleader all wrapped into one emotionally available package. Meanwhile, their partner simply gets to receive. Support. Affirmation. Care. Without necessarily giving the same in return.So, when the relationship ends, the woman feels depleted. The man feels… refreshed?
A little convenient, no?
From ‘Glow Up’ to ‘Glow Theft’
Pop culture has long hinted at this dynamic, though perhaps more subtly. Consider how often we hear that behind every great man is a great woman. Or how ex-girlfriends become ‘the one that got away’ after they helped him become the version of himself his next partner benefits from.
In fact, therapist and relationship educator Nedra Glover Tawwab notes that “many women abandon themselves in relationships to preserve the bond.” They become shape-shifters. They mute their own needs. They try to hold the relationship together with one-sided emotional maturity. And over time, it shows. In the face. In the body. In the spirit.
Is It Science or Symbolism?
Psychologically speaking, there is merit to the idea of emotional depletion. A 2019 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that women in heterosexual relationships tend to carry the emotional weight of the partnership, often suppressing their own needs to maintain harmony. Another study from the American Sociological Review revealed that women’s physical health declined more rapidly in stressful marriages, while men’s health remained relatively unaffected. Energy may not be quantifiable in the same way as calories or kilowatts, but the exhaustion is real. The disconnection from self is real. And sometimes, the transformation post-breakup, where women suddenly look alive again, is the body’s quiet rebellion saying, “She is back.”
Not All Men, But…
Let us be clear. Not every man is a glow thief. Healthy relationships are reciprocal, healing, and growth-enabling. But the trend is tapping into something more insidious. The cultural conditioning that tells women to give endlessly, and calls it love. Perhaps what we are really witnessing is not energy being “harvested,” but energy being given away knowingly or not in a system where women are praised for how much they can endure rather than how well they are being nourished.
So What Do We Do With This?
Start by asking better questions. Does this relationship feel like a partnership or a project? Are you being heard or just being helpful? Does he love you, or the way you make him feel?
And more importantly: Do you still recognise yourself in the mirror?
If not, perhaps it is time to reclaim your glow. Feminine energy is not a resource for others to consume. It is a force to be honoured, protected, and yes, shared, but only with those who reciprocate. In the end, maybe feminine energy harvesting is not just a TikTok theory. Maybe it is a long-overdue name for something women have lived through quietly. And finally, collectively, we are saying: Not anymore.
In the end, just know this! Your light is not lost, it is simply waiting for you to choose yourself again.
